An onion...

Wanted to post something else. But that can wait. Coz I'm getting sleepy and that post is gonna be long. So, here's a short post, for my dearest mama.

This heart is specially made for u mum. Love u lots n lots n lots...

And u're asking... Why an onion? Coz... everytime I chop it into small pieces, I'm being reminded of mum. I can still remember those moments when she was in the kitchen, cutting up the onions and putting onions in most of her cooking, just because I love it. And the way she chopped it, her hands were fast. Really. I admire seeing them working. If I were to do it at that speed, I'd surely have my fingerS cut of. Haha.

(: mama and the onion :)

Happy Mother's Day

Mama...

I was sad. I got frustrated and annoyed and get filled with hatred and anger everytime the thought of God took my mum away flashed through my mind.

After pondering for quite some time...

Mama and Ilya

Now, I realized that, He lent mum to us. Allah borrowed mum to us for us to feel her love and care. She showered me with love for the past 20 years. Isn't that enough? At least, God didn't take her on my birthday. He took mama 22 days after my 20th birthday. He took mama after she received the news that I passed my referral exam. At least, Allah bagi aku nikmati semua (kasih sayang) tu utk 20 tahun. That's much better than people that didn't get the chance to feel their mums' love. No offense to anyone. That's just what I feel. Thinking more on the bright side, at least, God didn't take dad away too. He left abah (dad) with us longer than mama. Maybe coz He knows that we can't go on in life without abah at the moment but we can live without mama now. Maybe now it's time for mama to rest. I thank God for this. Mum, if only u know what I feel. I love u. I miss u. U will always and forever be in each of our (the family) hearts.

Me with mum, dad n bb

I hate it thinking, mama used to ask me to help her in the kitchen, but I rarely took the time to help her. I was too busy with FB, playing games, etc. Now, I take hours to prepare a dish. Padan muka saya (Suits me well). Malas lagi. Kan dah kena (That's what I get for being such a lazy ass) :( I often being reminded of her everytime I cook. Yesterday, I cooked red sago. And my hands grew tired of stirring the sago. In the stirring process, my childhood memories attacked me. I used to cried out loud, being such a baby, being spoilt, I ordered mum to cook for me. To cook me this red sago. She just smiled... I never knew it was that hard. Now I know... Marah2, suruh cepat sikit, tapi mama senyum je, suruh sabar. Xsangka susah nak kacau tu. Haih...

Dearest mum

Teringat juga, three days before ma xde, ma berkeras nak g tgk FiZi main rugby. Ma kate, ma ske rugby (I know this but sebab FiZi yg main, segan la.). Tapi I told her to balik. I said "Balik la dulu. Nanti na nak balik, na bagitau la mama." Tapi since mum dah on the way, I could do nothing but marah2 on the phone. Honestly, sangat segan mama nak datang tgk rugby. Cz alumni SMSS sdg main kat Politeknik Section 20 Shah Alam. Ma came anyway with abah n Elli. They sat jauh gila from the field coz takut I malu. (DAMN I CRYING NOW) They watched from far although match dah habis. Hm... In the end, mabah n eli jumpe FiZi and they were cool bout it. :/ Masa tu pun dah feel bad.
Translation for the above paragraph: I remember when, three days before mama left, she insisted on watching FiZi plays rugby. She said, she just loves watching rugby and that's why she wanna watch the game. (But since it was FiZi, I was quite embarrassed when my parents wanna watch it too.) But I replied, "You go back first. When I wanna go home, I'll let you know." But since mum was already on the way, I could do nothing but yelled over the phone. They came anyway and sat a distance away from the field coz they fear that I'll get shy and embarrassed with their appearance at the field. They watched from far although the game was over. In the end, my parents were really cool about seeing FiZi and at that time, I've felt bad.

True, I often cry during the lonely nights. I still am. But mum, I'm proud to have a mother like u. I really do. We really do. Abah always tells us that he misses u. Even when u're still here. It's cute... I also remember when, sometimes, when abah drove to work, to Perak or anywhere far from home and brought me along, abah blurted out, "Abah miss ur mum." and abah dialled mum's number. But, didn't he realize, he just left house no longer than a few minutes..? :")

Ma and I. Form 5.

Masa mama ada, abah selalu cakap ttg kebaikan mama depan semua orang lain. Telling people how wonderful she is, how pretty she is after all these years, how he loves her cooking very much. Ada time, abah jealous when mama buka cerita lama-lama. Masa mama muda-muda dulu. Sangat comel bila abah jealous. Abah merajuk. Comel :) Hm, ada orang, masa malam tahlil, datang and bagitau abah yang abah mungkin x kenal dia, tapi, this guy selalu nampak abah and mama together, hand in hand, strolling near the lake, bergurau senda macam orang baru bercinta. There were times too, dad tarikkan kerusi utk mama. Certain org, segan nak wat camtu dpn org ramai. But dad x kesah. Cz he loves her.
Translation: When mum was still with us, dad used to tell everyone about mum's good side. How wonderful she is, how pretty she is after all these years, how he loves her cooking very much. There was a time, abah became jealous when mum started talking bout her past. Dad was very cute when he got jealous. The rest of the paragraph is about his sweetness towards mum and how they were a very loving couple, even in the eyes of strangers.

There was a time when, abah was sending me to the Commuter station, ma waved goodbye from the porch. When the car starts moving, abah said to me... "Na, I know I don't have the rights to interfere in ur relationship. As a father, I should give u advice on this. I know u may not like it." Things started to rush into my head. Assumptions were made. What the hell have I done. That was when abah gave me his wise words, "Your mum n I have been talking bout this. Mama has been observing u. Ur mum penah tegor dah ttg nie and I think u should consider this. (Your mum has reminded u on this). We often overheard ur conversation with kweq. We get very happy when things work out between the both of u. But often, u selalu marah kweq (FiZi). (But often, you get angry with him easily). Abah macam x senang hati bila dengar macam tu. (I feel uneasy hearing that). Ur mum, x penah sekali pun tinggi suara dgn abah. Yes, mama tu slalu jugak disagree dgn abah. Tapi mama tegur abah dgn lembut. (Your mum, never once she raised her voice when she's with me. Yes, she often disagree with me but she tells me that in a respectful way.) She doesn't yell at me. N that makes me love her even more."

mabah
.owh and, 1 May 2010, happy 28th anniversary mabah.

Now, when mum's gone, Elli often hear abah singing to himself, "I wish I could hold her hands..." You've never stopped telling us how much u miss her. Abah, we hope, you're strong. You can endure this hard moments. We need u. We really need u to be with us as long as u can. Please stay with us. Bare with us. We love u...

Mum, I hope u know that u're deeply missed by us. Moreover, by abah. U've dedicated more than half of ur life, to us, to abah. I know that no matter how sad I can be, abah abah feels your loss a lot worse than us. Sudah tiba masanya untuk ku merelakan pemergian mama, dengan seikhlas hati... (It's time for me to let you go, with a sincere heart)...

Al-fatihah.

One more, very sad the moment I went to KLIA. Only with Abah and Elli and Zani. Never thought mum won't be there. Very jealous seeing other people hugging their mums. Maaa... :"(

(Pardon me for the present tenses. Maybe I'm not that used using past tenses to describe mum.)

However, despite all these, I get upset seeing those commercials bout Mother's Day on TV :(

Biggest challenge

Well, I went for AIME (Australian Indigenous Mentoring Experience). I love every single part of the explanation (and the guy too ;))

but, it comes to a moment where the question given is, "What's ur biggest challenge in life at the moment?"

Different people, different answer:

• How to save money
• I haven't paid my rent
• I have to finish my degree
• I'm having trouble submitting assignment on time

Well, my answer is...

• I can't get over mum's ... (I dun wanna say that word. It still hurts. A LOT)
  

(And the eyes get teary... again.)

Funny experience :)

It's been ages since my last post and now, here I am, writing what just came on my mind.

Well, my housemate's friends, oh, forgot to tell you that I'm now in Australia for my studies. Will be back in Malaysia in two years time :) Wish me the best.

Okay, here's the story. My housemate's friend, Winnie, (she's a Hongkie btw), asked me something. Here's the conversation.

(Situation: I have a housemate, Justin, which lives downstairs with his girlfriend. Winnie and Iris are his friends. I live upstairs with another four Malaysian girls (K. Nad, Noli, TqaSham) in separate rooms and they all wear tudung and I don't.)

This conversation took place in the kitchen when I went down to get the Chilli Sauce and Winnie, Iris and someone (I can't remember) was there)

Winnie: Can I ask you something?
Ilyana: Yeah, sure. (Looking at her with a puzzled look but smiled anyway.)
Winnie: Are you a Muslim?
Ilyana: Yes, I am. (dengan muka bangga)
Winnie: Oh, may I know why you're not wearing that thing on your head like Nadiah and others? (Asking with a gesture showing it's the scarf)

Before I could I answer, she interrupted, with the excited look on her face,
Winnie: Oh, I know! I know! When you birth, (thinking), when you were born, if your mother doesn't put that thing on your head, then, u don't have to wear forever!

Ilyana: (Laughed) No. No. (Thinking the simplest way to tell her and remembered my friend's story about her housemate.) Um, well, like in certain religion, The Catholics, they can't drink but they drink. Their religion doesn't allow them to do so but they do it anyway. So, that's what I'm doing. I should wear it but I don't.
Iris: (With a happy face) Wow! So, u drink??

We all laughed together when I answered no.


Haha. Okay. That's the story. Will update you bout my life here in Australia. Have uploaded lotsa piccies in my Facebook though :)

Know how to write but not speak the language?

Hey, this post is for those who are interested to join an English Class. It concentrates on spoken language. Doesn't need any pen or pencil in the class. You just have to speak and listen and speak and listen and speak.


The classes are only held in Shah Alam and the duration of the programme is 40 hours. You can even set up your own group and choose your own time. Free demonstration is provided upon request.

There's a website but it's still in progress. If you're interested, please go to www.cmlexpressway.com

Contact details:

For further information or any inquiries, you can contact these numbers,

*03-55119462 

*03-55119461

012-3647112


*during office hours


..THANK YOU..

Dear mum...

I can't write much now. Just one thing. I wish her happiness in where she is now. I love her. VERY much...

Al-fatihah...

7 December 2009

That date is by now, long gone. But I won't forget everything that happened on that day and the previous week. Okay, this post is very lengthy and wordy. You can just skip everything but really, this post means a lot to me.

19 Nov

• Came back from BTN. Here are a couple of pictures of us over there.

Thanx to Syawqi for the last picture :)

20 Nov

• Someone stole my money.
• Minutes later, got a deadly call from this one lecturer, told me I've to resit for my exam, and I was the only ONE.
• To make matters worse, the exam will be on my birthday, Dec the 7th.
• Myra was there. So, she was the only one who knew. That night, I told a friend, A bout this.

Myra and a friend, A :)

23 Nov

• I finally got a grip of myself, looking on the positive side of everything.
  
• Broke the news to FiZi, which caused us to be in an argument since my emotional wasn't that stable.
• Mum heard the argument and asked me what it was all about. I told her, I failed the previous exam. She lost words.
• I told Zawa. I thought she'll understand my situation since she was in the same state. And yeah, she did.
• I told Meen but she didn't say much. She was really surprised and apologized.
  
• I told X, and he gave supportive words and was puzzled when I know that the fact that he had once failed before.
• Told another friend, C too.

24 Nov

• Most people were still anxious to know who failed since they were scared they failed. Since everyone didn't expect I was the one who failed, many asked me bout the failure, whether I know the person, what subject the person failed. So, I felt really guilty for not telling them all this while.
• Finally, I announced my failure in the Facebook cohort group and I felt relieved.
• Most thought that I was joking and everyone supported me. Thanx. Seriously, I was touched by all the supports and convincing words.

!STAY POSITIVE!

25 Nov

• Played basketball Ezy, Syawqi, Meen, her cousin, Yon and friend, and my FiZi was there too. Made new friends with Intan, Syawqi's bakal adik ipar :P, Josh and Waseem.
• Had a great laugh on the way back in Intan's car. Thanx for sending me home. Had a great time with u guys.

With Meen and Laila.

FiZi was there too, oh, I was on the phone with Mr. A :)

On the go. Running away from the bad thoughts.

29 Nov

• Went back to the institute.
• Stayed in Nona Block since I didn't hand in my key and stayed in my old room.
• The block was deserted because the KDCs (Kursus Dalam Cuti) went back home for their Hari Raya Korban.

>-<
("-_-)
/|\
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all alone

30 Nov

• The KDCs were back.
• Had a class with Miss Joyce from 8-10am and Miss Lau's 12-2pm.
• 2.30pm, Myra came and bought me Big Mac McValue Lunch (which I ate at 11 that night). Iwa, Swan, Zahida, Jijol also were there to hand in their forms to Madam Mariah.
• They went back at 6 and again, I was all alone.

1 Dec (A day)

• A friend, A (Mentioned him above) surprised me with his presence.

me (^_^)...(^_*) A
like it when u're there

2 Dec (C day)

• That friend, A had to go back the next morning and another friend, C came along that afternoon.

me (,") ... (",) C
thanx for accompanying me

3 Dec

• I borrowed his laptop to Mdm Soo Hoo's class from 3-5pm. That evening, C said goodbye and I was talking to myself.

>-<
(^_^)
/|\
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/\
alone again. but happy

4 Dec

• Said hi to a KDC (in the toilet) and we introduced ourselves. She was just as curious as the other KDCs, seeing a cute young girl all alone going in and outta her room, only to mandi and amek wudhuk. Hahaha.
• Since this KDC is from Taiping, I texted someone, D from there too and told him about it and my failure.

hello kkk KDC (,") (",) hi adek TESL

• No!! My laptop suddenly went dead and I couldn't switch it on again. ALL Mdm Soo Hoo's notes are in it! I'm doomed. 3 days to my exam. On the bright side, I can't spend much time playing computer games anymore. Haha :)
  

6 Dec

• Woke up feeling groggy. Dreamt that my teacher wanted to kill me because I slept and didn't study. It was a nightmare! Didn't dare to sleep again.
  
• Met again the KDC and she told me to join her friends and her for lunch.
• We went to Tesco and I reintroduced myself. Got along with them well and they said that I was about the same age as their children. Haha. So, they took great care of me.
• That night, again, we went out for dinner.
• My roommate, Iwa came that night and accompanied me and we studied together.
• She slept early.

With my roommate :)

7 Dec (The exam day)

• 12 am, got many birthday and good luck wishes from loved ones. Thank u for being thoughtful :) Btw, the wishes got in as early as 11.45 pm the previous day :P
  
• 2.30 am, I tried my best to get my sleep but my heart thumped loudly and it felt like I could hear my own heartbeat. Seriously, I was so nervous that I couldn't get my sleep that night. I texted A and he insisted that I should get some sleep or else, I would be restless in the exam hall. I still didn't get my sleep and studied.

(-.o)
Studying with my eyes half open

• 4.30 am, FiZi and A woke me up to do my studies and I told them I didn't sleep.
• 6.06 am, Ilya called from Ireland, wishing me Happy Birthday. Thanx dear sis :) and wished me Good Luck for my exam although she doesn't know it was a referral exam.
• 6.30 am, got wake up calls from mum and friends.
• Before 8am, people wished me last minutes good luck :)
• 8.30 am, I sat my referral exam with the 101 other KDCs. I was the only one sitting for a referral exam in Dewan Agung and sat on the 102nd seat.
• 10.35 am, I walked out of the exam hall slowly since the KDCs only finished at 11am.
• Switched on my phone and told people that it's over.

exam's over

• Got a msg from this person, X who told me a week earlier that he'll come (well, he didn't promised though. He just said he might) erm, but I dunno why, he cancelled it last minute (later I asked and it was such an UNREASONABLE REASON he gave me). Was VERY disappointed. Enough of that. Hurm

XXX(T_T)XXX

• Met several lecturers. They were very surprised indeed with the fact I failed the exam. Some thought I was sick that day. Some assumed my pen finished its ink. Haha.
  
• Went out with Iwa to QB after Zohor and she left me at 3pm.
• I bought 3 movie tickets, Love Happens, Christmas Carol and Ninja Assassin (which FiZi later told me that he wanted to watch it with me. Huhu. Sorry)
• When the last movie ended, it was at 8pm and I explored QB and greeted strangers. I bought myself a birthday cake.

Happy Birthday to me..
Happy Birthday too me...
Happy Birthday to Ilyana Zafirah....
Happy Birthday to me...
O no! I'm 20!! No more in my teen years...!
But it's okay, I've lived those years well :)

• 9.45 pm, bought McD and sat on the rocks in front of QB, facing the ocean. I felt at ease. I sang the birthday song and cried. That was the first time I celebrated my birthday alone. The sense of loneliness slowly, crept into me...

..loneliness..

• 10.30 pm, caught a bus to Sg Nibong to buy my bus ticket to Shah Alam the next day. I accidentally dropped off early and had to walk to Sg Nibong which was 200m away. It was dark and I was scared when I received a text from Madam Mariah asking how does a birthday girl spends her day. She soothed me by telling me that's a great birthday gift, enjoying my own company as not many can do that. Thanx Madam :)
• I took a taxi ride to the institute and the told him to come and pick me up the next day at 9 since my bus was at 9.45 am.

8 Dec

• At 8.50, I was anxious. I dialed the taxi number and the guy answered. His voice suggested that he just woke up and he had no idea what I was talking about. I was getting fidgety at this. Couldn't sit still. Felt like slamming the phone against the wall when this person asked me, "Jap, carik siape nie sebenarnye?" And I said, "Encik Zali". He told me I got the wrong number. I said sorry and hung up and thought to myself, "Damn, I'm being cheated. He gave me the wrong number. Who should I call now? I need a taxi ASAP." Then, I tried dialing up the number again.
• Before he could say anything, I asked him, will he be able to reach my place before 9? And he asked me "Nie yang td ke?" I said, "Huh, td? x. yg semalam sy naik taxi tu." And he said, he was the same person I called previously. I said sorry and hung up, again.
  
• Okay, I started panicking when the thought struck me, I should give it a final try and I slowly dialed the taxi's number. A different person picked up and he told me he'll be there 5minutes. So, I checked out the number and realized, I dialed 017 instead of 014. Haha. Funny me. I texted the wrong guy and apologized. He replied and I saved his name under "Wrong Taxi". He was shocked when he received the call since he's in Kota Bharu and had to come to Penang to pick me up. :P

(,")hello new friend(",)

• I spent the next 10 minutes in the taxi, telling the driver about that incident and we laughed together.
• 9.45 am, I was on my way to Shah Alam.

"There's never a failure. Just a series of delayed success."

*Thanx a lot everyone for the birthday wishes and never-ending supports till the very last minute :)
*Can't describe much or tell what I did with my two friends from the 1st till the 3rd since I don't think they want their identity to be publicized. (Thanx guys.)
*I'm now friend with the person who I gave a wake up call to be my taxi driver :P
*Lotsa things I learned from this experience. I learned how to sleep alone with the lights off, I met new people, I made new friends, I know that there are so many people that care bout me, how to survive when there's no one around and lots more. It's an experience I'll never forget.
*Thank u IPG Kampus Pulau Pinang for giving me such a birthday gift. Seriously, thank u :)

.i love my life.very much.
>-<
\(^_^)/
|
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/\
THANK YOU

Motivational thoughts...

After a few months of nothing here, here's a special post to everyone that has supported me throughout this life.

I never thought that this day would come crashing by...

Simple words such as:

• We love u
• Always here for u
• Be strong
• Hold on

I never thought that these words mean so much to me. Thank u everyone. And I mean,

THANK YOU!