BiJi. BiJi. BiJi. Guwa biji bebeno. Pehe dop?

Updated status on Facebook:



   Dearest mama, guess what? Teachers' Day dah dekattt! I hope you're here to witness this. Heee. Call ma sbb nak cerita excited sambut Hari Guru first time nieee. AS A TEACHER! HOW COOL IS THAT?! Heeeeeeeeee. Dear God, because of You... I'm smiling. Alhamdulillah. Hoping I get to finish those secretarial work by tomorrow or hm..., next week. Kinda been working 7 days a week for a few months now. Who say teachers work half day only maa? Back at 3, 4, 5 and sometimes at 6. At home, continue working. Punch in at 7:15 in the morning regardless the total hours. *Yawnnn* OT? What's that? Tak wujud dalam kamus seorang guru. Not complaining (tipuuuu jee!!! hee. but yeah, not complaining that much lah :~x ) Anddd very happy I don't get that many chance to sleep after Asar. :~D Am still very new to teaching. Tak cukup setahun lagi pun. Still a lot heading my way and am ready to learn! I smile most of the time (in and out of the school compound), I make friends with the children, we joke around like buddies do, I am surrounded with very helpful and supportive colleagues and loved ones... I just can't ask for anything more, can I? I wonder how my friends, in this same great profession, scattered all over Malaysia, are doing :~))) Wishing my dear friends who are teachers too, a VERY HAPPY VERY HAPPY VERY HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY! Heee. An early HTD wish. How much longer will I stay a teacher? Wallahualam. Good night!

But then... I realize:

- This is too personal to be placed on Facebook.

- It will be on the News Feed. Macam menyemak jeee status pepanjang camnie kat NF orang padahal takdak kaitan dengan depa pun. Sian pulop.

- Nobody cares anyway. Duuuhhh.

So, I decided to move it here. Haha. Why? Because, this is my own personal space. Only those who care enough will read this. People choose to click or visit blogs but on FB's NF, everything's stuck there even when people tak nak tengok pun. Heee. So, here it is lah kan. Pap! Terpampang di blog ini. Gosh, I miss her. Dah tak balik rumah lama dah nie padahal dulu, tiap minggu balik. Okay. Dah taburkan  muntahkan luahkan isi hati kat sini. Boleh tdoq dah. Hehe. Guten nacht!  

Maafkan patik, gambar tidak memberangsangkan.
Sedang kejar masa nie.  *run chase time*
k lame.

In case you don't understand the title of this post disebabkan penggunaan bahasa berkarat, it's "Busy. Busy. Busy. Very busy. Do you understand?" Taa~

Update:

- Busyyyyyyyy!

- Despite the busyness, I still try to make time for people (tak semua lah sbb x semua schedule free sama).

- Butttt, tu lah. Kalau ada orang tgk kita happy sikit, keluarlah ayat, "Eh, dia macam x de kje je.",  "Eeee, senangnyaa jadi cikgu." ... dan bermacam lagi lah. Haha. Tolak tepi semua itu dan terus pekakkan diri. Cobaaannnn. 

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 3:45AM (GMT +08:00):.

Update.

I had tons of things I wanted to spill on this page but when I clicked "New Post", my mind suddenly went blank. This is how it feels like everyday at school.

Kena lah tunggu balik kannn. Takkan lahhh nak update blog dalam kelas. No time. No time...!

Sdg jaga exam pun, banyak betul kerja boleh buat masa tu.

While waiting between classes, bolehlah settlekan benda benda online.

Siapa kata cikgu dah tak payah isi pape online, siap dia. Heee

So, kena jugak tunggu time balik.

But...

As soon as the bell rings... 

Meeting oiii. Meetiing...!

Nak tanda kertas and buku-buku dulu lah before balik.

And... Jemputan-jemputan yang sukar ditolak.

Makan jom!

Keluar jom!

Makan jom!

Jejalan jom!

Beli barang hias kelas n barang rumah jom!

Makan jom!

Kak Syuhana! Nak g rumah akak!

Makan jom!

Main dgn budak kecik nie!

Bila ada time sikit untuk bukak laptop, cuma ingat nak buka nie je...

Kertas kerja, laporan, minit mesyuarat, bahan-bahan keceriaan kelas...
Semua ke laut.. Huwaaaa...!

So...

Monolog ini mengambil tempat.

(This monologue takes place)

Apabila tibanya hujung minggu...

FiZi's activities

Friends' weddings

FiZi's rugby

Family's weddings

School hockey: Training and matches

Bersiar-siar w/ 3Fs

School activities

Kemas and ceriakan kelas

When sedang dok diam-diam kat rumah... tetiba hati kecilku berbisik...

"Eh, nak balik Shah Alam lah..."

Haiyooo. In the end... Bila berjaya buka laptop and nak update blog...

Idea lesap.

P/S: Despite enjoying myself every day, my schedule's super full. So, memang minta maaf awal-awal to those yg ajak lepak tapi tak dapat join. Especially at night and in the evening. Malam tuition and my afternoons, almost everyday in April and May akan balik around 5 camtu if I don't bring barang-barang kerja balik rumah. Sorry! Jangan tak ajak lak dah ar. Heeee.

Update:

-Sangaaaat banyak kerja nak buat sebenarnya. Am so glad I have supportive friends at school :~)

-Laptop pulak nak rosak sekarang. Hm. 

WAIT WHATTT?!! DAH 5:30?! Alamakkk! Kerja tak start lagiiii!!!

.:ilyana fauzy signing off at 5:32 (+08:00 GMT):.

Just maybe...

Maybe it's not that I don't understand.

Maybe I just refuse to understand.

Maybe...

State of denial.

It can happen to YOU.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 3.45am (GMT +08:00):.

A post

I spent nearly two hours on my last post and I carefully selected pictures that are relevant for it. In the end, I accidentally deleted it and tada! Here's this pointless post. Currently exactly 6am and class starts at 8. Therefore, I give up. Haha. See ya in the next post which I dunno when. Tata.

Update: 

-I thought I'm no longer clumsy. Aiyooo. I just proved myself wrong. No thanx.

.:ilyanafauzy sighning off at 09.02am (GMT +8:00)

...dusty...

(Fuhh. Fuuuhhh...)

*The sound of me blowing something off..*

Oyeah. That's me blowing the dust off this blog.

I just realized that the traffic to this blog keeps increasing gradually despite me not updating it.

Sorry dear followers. Will try to make it up to you.

Not a promise but I'll try...

Aunty Ilyana. Hihi.

See you soon :~)

Owhhh. And did I tell you? I'm going back to Malaysia for good on the 15th. 

3 days to go...

Excited? Um, well.... 

.

.

.

Self-update:

- There's not much time left to shrink my size. Hehe. 

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 12.41pm (GMT +8.00):.

Iman...

Honestly, my iman's getting weaker by day.

Especially after the Ramadhan is over.

Please pray for my success in this life and the hereafter.

Please, even though I don't know who you are and you don't know who I am...

The weak me.

Nabi bersabda, “Doa seorang muslim untuk saudaranya tanpa sepengetahuannya adalah mustajabah (dikabulkan). Di atas kepalanya ada malaikat penjaga, setiap kali dia mendoakan saudaranya dengan kebaikan maka malaikat penjaga tadi berkata, “Amin dan untukmu yang semisal itu juga.”(HR. Muslim) 

Update:

- Finished performing at MFest. It wasn't that great but it wasn't that bad too.

- Saimen.

.:ilyana.fauzy signing off at 11.14pm:.

A gamble.

My Facebook status update here:

♥ ♦ ♣ ♠ A gamble. It's currently 9 degrees outside and I'm still struggling in my bed with the notes in front of me when it's already 8.11am. The exam is at 8.50am. Will I make it through? Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan kami, permudahkanlah segala urusan kami pada hari ini. Hanya Engkau yang mampu membantu, hanya kepadaMu kami berserah. Segala apa yang terjadi, berikanlah kami kesenangan dan kekuatan mengharunginya. Amin~ Mode: Honestly, I'm not ready for this. Tawakkal 100%

Update:

- Exam in less than an hour.

- Padan muka. Salah sendiri.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 8.17am:.

♥ ♦ ♣ ♠

.:ilyanafauzy signing in at 1.41pm:.

Alhamdulillah the exam was okay although I only managed to study for less than an hour. You think I'm gifted? Think again. Maybe our definition of "Okay" isn't the same. :~)

Just so people know, I only have this one paper to sit for exam which means that I should be in my holiday mood. I've planned to fill this cold winter by hitting the island down under, Tasmania, from the 26th of June. Here's my initial holiday schedule:

• With Jijol:
• 21 July - 25 July : Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia 

• With the Usrah members:
• 26 June - 01 July (9am) : Hobart, Tasmania, Australia

• With Myra, Mira, Faiz, Myra:
• 01 July (10pm) - 2 July : Auckland, New Zealand
• 02 July - 05 July : Rotorua, New Zealand
• 06 July - 08 July : Wellington, New Zealand
• 08 July - 10 July : Christchurch, New Zealand
• 10 July - 12 July : Dunedin, New Zealand
• 12 July - 15 July : Queenstwon, New Zealand

• Alone:
• 15 July - 16 July : Christchurch, New Zealand

• With Azrul and his friends:
• 16 July - 21 July : Melbourne, Australia

• With Hafiz Hazny, Sya, Farah, Min, Afiq
• 23 July : Watching NRL or AFL at the Sydney Cricket Stadium

• With fellow cohortmates:
• 30 July : Dragon boating in I dunno where.

So, that's my initial holiday plan. But it seems macam sentiasa ada problem je with each of the place or date/ Dunno what message Allah's trying to send to me. But I know He knows what's best for me. Here's the later things happened.

• Gold Coast:
• Jijol decided not to go. It was mutual. I felt the same way too. Luckily, we haven't bought the ticket for Gold Coast and cancelled the plan.

• Hobart:
• For Hobart, TAS, K. Nad has bought the return ticket for AUD200 but too bad, I've to cancel that one too due to something that came up quite suddenly that I can't avoid and I can't tell you. It's SUPER IMPORTANT that saya berserah je burn duit ticket macam tu je. Sorry friends. T_T

• New Zealand:
• For New Zealand, I'm very sure of myself that I'm going there but my friends, they're still undecided due to the volcanic ash coming from Chile and the earthquake in Christchurch. Sebenarnya cuak gak tapi the previous two holidays dah cancel, takkan this ticket nak burn jugak?? Tamaooo (T_T)

• Melbourne, NRL/AFL, Dragon boating:
• Up till now, there hasn't been any changes and I hope there will not be any. The NRL/AFL date isn't final yet but I wish that they won't be doing before the 21st. If they're going before that, I've decided to go on my own. Saya okay je :~) Heee.

La Tahzan.

Cannot sad-sad one! Heee

Update mode:

- Seriously, I pray that Allah gives me the strength to carry on and redha with whatever he has in store for me.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off, again, at 2.49pm:.

Catalyst.

I wish, he's not my only catalyst.

Dear God, please give me the strength to carry on...

Update:

- Disappointed with myself.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 5.29am:.

Suicidal.

This post is dedicated to a dear friend and everyone who feels like they're in a similar situation...

To just give up on life is so easy. It takes a second to take the life out of you and you're calling it a shortcut to end everything so that you can make everyone happy (KONONNYA). But what about the nine months your mother sacrificed just to let you out into this world? And that's excluding the years your parents have/had taken to raise you up... Take a moment to think. Think. Before you do anything stupid, anything that can't be undone.

Self-update:

- Everything happens for a reason. Everything has a solution to it... He's always there for you. InsyaAllah...

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 03.30am:.

All I'm asking for is...

"I'm not asking you to change. I just want you to do what a lover should have done."

-IlyanaFauzy, 2011-

♥

A post made after having a small discussion with a dear girlfriend. 
A message to all lovers out there.
Men and women.

A reminder to myself.

Self-update:

- Assignment.

- And thank you FiZi for being a wonderful lover. Sorry if I'm not being the good girl I'm supposed to be but I do know that I love you. Please remind me whenever you think I'm getting off the track. :~)

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 09.38pm:.

Clumsiness led to frustration.

Struggling... Struggling... Struggling. And YAY! A video is made within 5 hours. And before that, I was planning on what to do for my Microteaching Presentation. After getting the suggestion from FiZi, to make a feart-shaped origami, I was thinking of ways how to make it more creative and engaging for the learners. And I came up with this video. Well, it's not much since I only took a few hours to do it but this is what happens when you take your work to the eleventh hour.

Normally, my classmates created power point presentations but I decided to make this video since PP usually takes a lot more of my time and also, since my presentation is the last for this semester, I wanted to do something different. 

Butttt. During the presentation, I did not know what went wrong with the sound system and yes, the whole class watched without any sound. I was totally frustrated throughout the presentation but I don't know who's at fault. Not that I was trying to blame anyone but I just couldn't see what went wrong back then!

My frustration turned into anger and disappointment and sadness and I don't know what else to describe it when.... The moment I sat at my seat, I saw my volume is muted. MUTED. YES. MUTED. Oh My God...

Balik tu menangis. Entah apa-apa lah kan... Why am I so clumsy?

CONGRATULATIONS BARCA ON YOUR WINNING! :~)))

Worth watching and lupakan assignment sebentar. Heee.

Self-update:

- Submissions for next week:

• A 3000-word essay. (Monday)
• A 1500-word essay. (Thursday)
• A 1000-word reflection. (Wednesday)
• A poster.

-Can I make it on time? InsyaAllah... Positif sudaaa.

- I need to sleep! Tak tidur lagi nieh.

-Oh, saya mengidam nasi lemak. Saya sanggup beli AUD5. Masakkan. Please? :~(

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 10.39am:.

Are you blinded... Like me? Have you ever really...

Yes, yes. I've promised not to blog till I've finished my assignment. Guess what? They're not finished. Yeah. You scored that one.

I've been kinda depressed and sad for the past few days. And it's mainly because everyone's celebrating Mother's Day. Yea yea... I was full of envy. I'm sorry dear readers who celebrated Mother's Day. Anyway, while I was in my gloomy mode, I had a fight with FiZi. Biasalah tu... Adat bercinta kata orang. But that didn't affect my feelings sangat but the thought of everywhere people are celebrating their mums, that made feel indifferent. Hmmm. Enough about that. Mother's Day is over anyway. Oh, btw, I bought a mug that has this writing on it. Heee. InsyaAllah kalau ingat, I'll post the picture nanti.

Minus the ".:ilyanafauzy:. "of course. Heee

Let's move on to another story. Because I've been crying hard for the past three nights thinking about mummy. (That explains the question people kept asking me, why do my eyes look different/sembab/bengkak/swollen semenjak dua menjak nie.) Sorry mummy. I've been praying for you a lot too despite the tears. Trust me. I do. Hmmm.

BUT REALLY, IF YOU WANNA BLOG ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY, CHANGE YOUR PROFILE PICTURES TO A PICTURE OF YOUR MOTHER, DO TWEETS ON YOUR MOTHER, PUT FACEBOOK STATUSES ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND SO ON... I really don't mind. It's just that these feelings saja nak carik gaduh dalam diri. Heeee. It's an inner thing. Nothing to do with any of you. I'm happy to see you guys happy ngan mama korang. Seriously.

Okay, the next story is what I just learned  in a relationship. We feel that we love someone. Our spouse, our partner, our friends, our sisters, brothers. And that's okay. That's normal. But try to rethink and reflect, was it too much? Probably a little too much (I know I did) and we don't get to realize it before it's too late (Sometimes, we might think it's too late but better keep trying than just giving up, surrendering). We're blinded by this thing we call love when our partner sees it as invading their privacy. It only dawns upon us when that someone tells us that he/she needs some space to be on their own. It's not our fault though, we're blinded, remember? It's just that, if we truly love someone, we should be able to understand their needs. The need to have their own time with friends and family and to be on their own. A time when you're not in the frame. And that doesn't mean they don't love you, they don't miss you, or they don't think of you. Well, they do. You just have to take a step back and let him/her breath. And that's when we think that truth hurts when it's actually we ourselves didn't see the signs before, we didn't see their needs, we didn't fulfill theirs when they have actually fulfilled ours, which is to be by our side all the time or whatever you have in mind. So, I just would like you guys and girls out there to hear this song, to really hear it, and to try your best to read in between the lines. If you ever had any fights with your loved ones, think of the wonderful things they've done for you. It sure helps. A lot. But when the love is no longer there, maybe you have to wake up and face the truth; there is no love after all.

Thanks for making me see love from a broader perspective.

InsyaAllah I'll be a better person in the future. InsyaAllah.

Here's the lyrics. You can download the song at Mediafire.

Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

by Bryan Adams

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

Source: www.sing365.com

(~: Finally, a shoutout to all great mothers out there,

Happy Mother's Day.

And to all sons and daughters of these beautiful mothers and wonderful fathers, shower you parents with love and affection, just the way they showered you with theirs while growing you up. :~)

Update tentang diri:

- Okay. Assignment. Again.

- Sorry if any of my words offended you guys.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 1009am:.

Back. Back. Back to the start.

If I could turn back time, I would love to be given another chance to treat my mum right. The way a mother is supposed to be treated. The ONLY way she deserves to be treated. I would cherish every year, every month, every week, everyday, every minute, every second.

But that's all in the past and that's what I have to live with.

For the rest of my life.

Update tentang diri:

- Sleepy

- Assignment not yet finished, again.

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 0248:.

She wakes up...

The moment she wakes up, she opens her lids and praised God for the wonderful life He has blown into her. "Alhamdulillah" is her first word of the day. She sits up straight and feels like someone or something is watching her from somewhere and she turns her head to the left. The mirror. The tall, not-so-clear mirror which is now reflecting her image. She sees herself staring deep into it, mesmerized by the reflection that's right in front of her. looking straight into her own eyes. She looks into it and blurts, "My mother was beautiful. So am I..." And she cries.

There you go.
An unedited picture of her waking up.
(Except for the URL obviously)

She misses her mum. Dearly.

Self-update:

 -  I miss dad too. I have called dad several times, several days but he didn't answer. I guess, I just called at the wrong time. Will keep trying tonight.

 - I'm pressured by the assignment I haven't yet finished. Possibly will finish them by this evening, or tomorrow.

 - Will fly off to Gold Coast tomorrow and I haven't packed my things.

 - I'm moving out from this house tomorrow.

 - What a busy day!

.:ilyanafauzy signing off at 0751:.

Facebook status and shoulder dislocation :~(

I'll just post my Facebook status as a new post here since I've no idea what to write bout at the moment. And will be doing this whenever I dunno what else to post. Eheh. Okay? Okay! :~D Heee (Sendiri tanya, sendiri jawab =_=")

"Wishing u were single again doesn't necessarily mean you don't love your current partner. U just wish to have a time off for a second and get back to being in a relationship. Yes, that same old relationship, that same old lover." -Ilyana Fauzy, 2011.

Poor me...

Oyes...! I can tell you guys bout my dislocated shoulder. Weee..! Okay, last Tuesday, while I was netballing, I overstretched my arms and I walked out of the court... :~( (But hey! No worries! I've dislocated various time previously. So, I know how to push it into its place again :~) )

Alamak. Forgot to put the hair lah.
Macam lelaki berskirt ada jugak.

Anyway, about ten minutes after that, I decided to start playing again. Alhamdulillah, nothing happened till the end of the game. Immediately after that, I intended to go to Mira's house for a swim. I ended up swimming with Iwa at Balaclava Rd. (Eh, azan. Sat. Nak solat. Sat gi sambung...)

(Setelah berapa ketika...)

I should have warned myself to just rest at home.

Okay. I'm back! Hee. Sambung cerita :~) I wanted to at least finish a lap before heading home. Aware of my not-in-a-so-good-condition shoulder, I thought it's best to keep close to the right lane. However, the first attempt failed since halfway through, my shoulder suddenly dislocated itself... again :~( (Okay, tidak ku sangka dalam air pun akan terkeluar itu tulang) Wuuu. Thank God my feet could still reach the bottom of the pool and I forced myself to jump, careful enough not to worsen my left shoulder. Approximately 10 seconds later, my shoulder is back in its position and I paddled towards Iwa. (Tak serik lagi, sambung swimming).

2/3 way through
(Pardon the 'dysfunctioning'. That word doesn't exist.)

We swam for only half an hour. About half past seven we chose to head home since it's Maghrib already. But before that, I really wanted to at least do what I usually do in a pool, to complete just one lap. Just one lap. And again, the same incident occurred. (Oh saya sangat berdosa kerana melewatkan solat). Only this time, it's worse. I was nearing the end of the pool when once again, my shoulder went outta its place. But it's a little more painful than the previous two occurrences. Okay. I tried not to panic because I know it could only make matter worse. I tried my best to swim with my right hand and kicked with my legs. Fortunately, I managed to grab the edge of the pool.  Fuhhhh. If not, Inalillah... Haiyaaa... (Honestly, I did mengucap dua kalimah syahadah when I struggled).

Nice sling eyyy~!
Made it myself using my scarf.
The sling the doctor gave me last year is at Iwa's place.

Update tentang diri:

= I slept for two hours (11pm-1am) just now and now (5.19am) I'm wide awake, waiting for FiZi to stop studying and start skyping :~) which is an hour and a half from now.

= Sad can't reach abah last night. I called twice but he didn't answer. Working, I guess. But now, I can see him online on Skype but if I say hi to him right now, he'll question why am I not sleeping and he'll get angry seeing me with the sling (although it's beautiful).

= I didn't know that I could write this long when initially I only wanted to post about the Facebook status. Haha. Sorry.

.:ilyana fauzy signing off at 6.53am:.